Thirty-sixth Entry [Video]

[reckless_eagle]

[Someone's been avoiding everyone the mansion in a fit of awkward and angst since the mirrors showed up!]

[There's really just too much for Poland to deal with right now. His friend-breakup with Elaine, his encounter with Mirror Lithuania, the knowledge that Mirror Poland was free to scare Aang and hurt Nai and maybe do bad things to his other friends... He's curled up underneath his cloak in a corner of the overgrown garden at the edge of the forest, where he's been hiding out today.]

[The knowledge that his memories were able to disrupt the Mansion itself helps him, gives him hope, makes him feel more powerful. But...]

...I like, can't believe I forgot about them. I just... forgot. My own people... A nation totally shouldn't...

Gawd, this is lame.

Um. Is everyone like, okay and stuff? Apparently my mirror was a mega-bitch to some of you, so like. Uh. Yeah. Everybody cool?

Comments

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[tagged-tongue.livejournal.com]

[ Lawr tried not to smile. The expression was priceless. ]

I'm kind of surprised you aren't used to that sort of thing by now.

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[reckless-eagle.livejournal.com]

Ohmigod, what do you mean? Like, why would I even be used to something like that?

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[tagged-tongue.livejournal.com]

Just because... you're pretty. Prettier than me, and I got used to that kind of attention a long time ago, so...

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[reckless-eagle.livejournal.com]

I-I'm totally not used to it, though! Like... okay, sometimes when my bosses threw banquets, some of the courtiers would flirt a bit and junk, but they like, weren't actually trying to get me to do anything! This is... seriously new. And freaky. And I had to fight Liet's mirror to make him lay off!

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[tagged-tongue.livejournal.com]

[ Lawr paused to think on this for a few moments. He was always careful to consider his words before he spoke, never one to speak brashly or harshly. There was wisdom beyond his years in much of his speech. ]

Do you think you'd have been okay with it, if it were actually Liet doing it? Or does the act itself scare you just as much?

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[reckless-eagle.livejournal.com]

I like, told him no when I still thought it was Liet. Then he got super pissed off at me, like "I'm still all freaked out from the Queen kidnapping me and really not sure I'm ready for that" is just like, a totally unreasonable thing to say, and that's when I knew it wasn't him...

It's... It's not like I'm scared. [Except for the part where he totally is.] I just... wanna wait until we're married for real. I know it... it wouldn't be as scary with the real Liet there...

[That's what he has to tell himself, to think that he'll be able to perform as a spouse. The Major wanted to hurt him and scare him, and Liet's mirror was selfish and harsh, but Liet isn't like that. Liet would do anything to keep from hurting him, always does his best to make sure he's safe and happy, so it would be different with him, right?]

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[tagged-tongue.livejournal.com]

Well... if you ever have any questions about it, you can ask me. I know it's kind of embarrassing for you to talk about, but maybe it'll help alleviate your fears a little...? I don't know.

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[reckless-eagle.livejournal.com]

[He smiles up at Lawr, a little shyly.]

Thanks... it's way nice of you to offer~

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[tagged-tongue.livejournal.com]

[ Lawr shrugged, digging around the basket for... there it was. He had never had one before, but the star-shaped fruit in the bottom drawer of the fridge looked appetizing. ]

Do you even think of him that way? I know the two of you are really close, and you love him, but can you even imagine being with him intimately.

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[reckless-eagle.livejournal.com]

[He nods, though his cheeks turn bright red.]

Totally! I... Okay, like, you can't tell anyone this, but we've like, already kissed. Like... on the mouth and stuff. And I get kinda dizzy when he touches me, sometimes, even if it's just hugging or whatever. It kinda feels like my heart's beating too fast and my breath can't quite catch up, and... Y-Yeah. [Blushing!]

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[tagged-tongue.livejournal.com]

[ He couldn't tell anyone they'd kissed? That seemed so... demure. They really were from a different time and place altogether. He couldn't help his grin. ]

That's... cute.

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[reckless-eagle.livejournal.com]

[Poland continues blushing his face off, totally scandalized that he actually just told someone about that. H-He doesn't have Liet to hide behind, so he uses his cloak instead because hiding behind things is SO much less conspicuous than blushing]

O-Ohmigod, I totally can't believe I just.. you like, seriously can't tell people, okay??

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[tagged-tongue.livejournal.com]

I won't tell anyone.

[ Lawr laughed very quietly. Who would he tell, anyway? ]

Is it really such a big deal? I mean... I sleep with Yujinn and Seeu, and we're not married.

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[reckless-eagle.livejournal.com]

[WHAT.]

[Better than "Oh, btw, don't talk bad about Satan, he's my bestie", but WHAT.]

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[tagged-tongue.livejournal.com]

[ Lawr finds absolutely nothing unusual about being in a three-way relationship with a not-really-angel and an alien prince. Why, is that weird?

He just blinks at Poland's shock. ]

...what?

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[reckless-eagle.livejournal.com]

W-Wh--Like, what do you mean, "what"? That's totally--Y-You like, can't just--dude!

[Very coherent, that Poland.]

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[tagged-tongue.livejournal.com]

[ Still not seeing a problem. Care to elaborate on that eloquence??

Just... giving Poland a very inquisitive look, nibbling on his grapes. ]

Can't what?

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[reckless-eagle.livejournal.com]

[Little flail! God, how do people not know these things?]

Y-You like, can't run around living in sin with two people! That's--that's totally scandalous ohmigod!

[Flail flail blush flail! He's worried for your soul, Lawr :<]

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[tagged-tongue.livejournal.com]

We all love each other. Why is that a sin?

[ Lawr doesn't seem particularly fazed by any of this. He is genuinely interested in why this is so terribly unholy. ]

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[reckless-eagle.livejournal.com]

Because you like, can't marry two people, and it's a sin to do that kind of thing if you're not married! When you love someone enough to do that, you should like, love them enough to be with them and only them!

[Ffff, he's already in an emotionally unstable place, and in absolutely no mood to go questioning the Church right now ;~;]

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[tagged-tongue.livejournal.com]

[ Not questioning, not challenging. Just curious. ]

Oh. [ Pops a few more grapes in his mouth. Really, living in sin is nothing new to this kid. ]

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[reckless-eagle.livejournal.com]

H-How can you just sit there and be so calm about this?

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[tagged-tongue.livejournal.com]

[ Lawr shrugged, finishing off his grapes and lightly tossing the empty sprig out into the garden somewhere. ]

I was a prostitute back home. If what you say is true, I'm going to Hell for that anyway, right? So I might as well try to be happy while I'm still alive.

Even if there's nothing else in this world that feels real, even if it feels like I'm dead from the neck-down... when I lay down to sleep at night, I have both their arms around me, and I'm happy. They're happy. ...none of us have felt that way in a very long time.

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[reckless-eagle.livejournal.com]

That's like, not what my religion says at all! It's like, not about judging people - it's about forgiveness. The Son of God gave himself so that we wouldn't have to say "I'm going to Hell anyway", because there's always forgiveness in God! Plus, you like, didn't choose that. So it's not your sin, right? It doesn't reflect on you at all.

I'm like, not saying it's wrong to try to be happy, or to make other people happy. And I'm way glad that you like, care about each other and stuff. But can't there be the caring and the friendship without the sex? I mean, forgiveness or not, it's kind of seriously important to try and live a moral life anyway!

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[tagged-tongue.livejournal.com]

How is sex immoral?

[ Lawr lifts his head to stare up at the sky for a moment, pondering. ]

Sex is nothing. Maybe there was a time when it was more than that. Maybe there was a time when people could find a deeper connection through that physical meeting. But I've... never known something like that. It isn't even something I really enjoy anymore, so we don't do it much. It makes me feel dirty and disgusting because it reminds me of all those other men I've been with, and I don't understand how Seeu and Yujinn would want to sully themselves by being with me.

We're not with each other for the sex. In fact, that really has nothing to do with our relationship. It's just something that happens sometimes.

I try to be a good person otherwise. I do everything I can to help other people, and... I really don't care about what happens to myself when it comes right down to it. Someone in the halls beat me nearly to death a few weeks ago, and I didn't even raise a hand against him. So if God wants to judge me a sinner, and send me to Hell because I'm with the two people I love most in this world... I guess that's a risk I'm willing to take for them.